Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Six Courageous poems for People with Cancer at Christmas

Here's a Bonus Gift for you from an as yet unpublished book

8th December already and Christmas is on its way. But I am looking well ahead, to March 2011, when I'll be helping doctors and other health professionals find the words to use to help us, their patients - and how to use them.

For I've been invited to give 2 x 75 minute workshops at the '12th Annual International Summit on Improving Patient Care in the Office Practice and the Community' for IHI (Institute for Healthcare Improvement).

That's in dear old Dallas, Texas. And I'm so looking forward to it.

In the meantime my heart goes out to those thousands of people coping with cancer at Christmas time, when everyone else is in joyous mode - and that can make it harder, by comparison. So I've dipped into the 5th book I wrote as I made my adventurous way beyond my initial cancer experience, to open up some of the mindset that keeps me optimistic. This is my Christmas gift to you. It's not published yet, so read 'Cancer - a Journey' and 'After Cancer - the Journey Continues' [available through my website http://www.anotherlife.com.au] to keep you going in the meantime -- and let me know if you simply can't wait to get your hands on the next three.

The title of this 5th book is : Cancer - Survive or Endure ----- and I am Surviving

IT’S JUST ANOTHER BUMP IN THE ROAD

We roll down life’s highways

byways

rivers

and streams

Slide on the ice

walk through the rain

surf across it all

for,

after cancer

you’ve learned to bounce

to fly

to step out while you can

travel the road you’re

sentenced to take

learning your strength

is better

finer

Strong

more than before

smoothing the rocks and rolls

barrelling along

Seeing panoramas

slide toward you

recognising no barrier

experience

flattening the hills

as they come

calling them only

now

just another little bump in the road.

AND NOW IT’S ALL OVER

If you’d asked me

seven years ago

could I endure –

possibly –

by any stretch of imagination –

all that time

all that ongoing wretchedness

Or that I would

never the less

come out the other side

praising God

whatever you believe this

mother-of-the-womb

to be

And know that I would love not only life itself

but indeed

my own very blessed

creative life

Would I

Could I

have known

imagined

that tonight

my life would be filled with stars

in a heavensent sky

so bright

that it lifts me up

to stand tall

yet once again

and still love ------

EPILOGUE (to ‘And now it is all over')

For this is what I have done

in the face of everything that has happened

to me and those I love

Suddenly the clouds have shifted,

drifted away.

DON’T BRING ME DOWN

They stand in their certainty

tell many – as if they knew

‘Without your health you have nothing’

Well – don’t tell me

I have no life to live

no mountains I can climb

no work or joy or love

to partake in

My experience

has not brought me to this

but is a template for others

when they choose

to hear my story

of reality

accomplishment

strength of will

A beacon for others – I am told

Incorrigible – they tell me

because I still make jokes

about cancer

and the fear that lurks around corners

waiting for unwary souls

those who have not – yet

learned

to stretch themselves

beyond the stories others would tell

who have not – yet

learned

to hold up their accomplishments

their overcoming

of that fear

and all those silly people

who say

because they know not

‘Without your health ------‘

Don’t tell me

This is the life I reside in

the light

where I shine

and trust that’s enough

to draw those to me

who live

through their pain

reach for the sky

have a life to live – and do

We have

We are

We know

the transcendence of love beyond limits

for though walking through darkness

we lift our eyes

look past the know-nothing pontificators

see our lives

our somethings

that leave the nay-sayers behind

So – Don’t try to tell me!

AND I LIVE AGAIN

How do you live after cancer?

You live like anyone else

one day at a time

or perhaps

one moment at a time

And today I have once again learned this lesson

listening to a tape on how to be invited onto television

as I’ve been before

they told me an idea

that raised for me

my own

my own next poem

own next thought

own new thinking on what I’d written

before

People talk about our need to discipline ourselves

if we are to succeed

at our chosen ‘norm’

but for the creative spirit

discipline might mean allowing

allowing myself to start something new

when the urge strikes me

lest I lose that thought

that specific idea

this particular way with words

might also mean finishing what I start

or allowing myself to not finish

but be a true creator

shifting from one job to another

as the thought strikes

my discipline may be

to not allow any original expression of me

to slip unaltered from my grasp

For me

this is life

the life I choose

the life I cannot help but live

because I live

truly live

only through my loves

I am because I write

I am because family is all – well, nearly

I am because others live also

their best lives

chosen

so they tell me

for their own reasons

I would have it no other way

Use me not as your ‘seer’

I ask

question

sift

help where I may

retreat not from my own thoughts into yours

yet retreat not from loving that you think for yourself

and do not try to be a clone of me

This is living

MORE THAN EIGHT YEARS ON

I look out at a beautiful blue sky

green tree

breeze softly blowing

and I am glad to be alive

Today

I vacuumed my whole room

the one where

I spend so much time

now

and regardless of the poverty

illness has wrought on my life

it is still a beautiful room

in a beautiful life

because I am alive to see it.

28^th November 2009

THE GIFT

To have lived the life you have

well

to be able to look back

and say

I loved as much as I was able

looked on

sometimes

at the world speeding by

Threw myself into it

when I was at my best

Lifted the view of others

through my vision for a future

the way I stretched out my arms

to possibilities

hidden

for the moment

behind troubles too dense to see through

raised their hopes for me

by my decision to live

in each day I hold onto

as if it were my last

until it is

And I go forward

with a smile on my lips

having accomplished

a life

good enough

to leave as a talisman

That is a gift beyond price

And don't you forget it!

I wish you a happy Christmas, Hanukkah, whatever you are celebrating. And here's my email address. berylshaw@netspace.net.au Write to me.

Much love

Beryl

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Struck down at Christmas?

Someone will be struck down with Cancer at this busy time of year.

Back again!

Yes, really soon after my last post I am back on the job, writing again to tide you over this busy month of December 2010.

I’m still aware that there may be many people who need to be told (by you of course) where they can find me. Especially those people - Do you know one? - who have just been diagnosed with cancer. And they'll find it even harder to cope with at this time when everyone else is going about happily, calling across the room - or the street - Happy Christmas!

And they're thinking 'Not for me it won't be.' How do they tell you? And how do you respond to them? Let me give you a few tips.

First: Don't ask them 'How are you?' They've just been diagnosed with an illness that strikes fear into the heart of the strongest - how would they be?

Do tell them 'I'm so sorry to hear you have cancer. I don't know what to say, or how to help.' In other words, be honest with them instead of pretending you know what it's like for them when you don't.

Some of you will know what it's like. And that can be a wonderful opportunity to simply say 'I've had cancer too. It's terrible isn't it.'

Whatever your personal situation, ask what they need. If they say 'Nothing' accept that as the truth; but also feel free to suggest something that would be in your power to do e.g. 'If you ever need someone to do some shopping for you -- mow your lawn -- take your children to school (or mind them while their other parent goes to visit in hospital) -- drive you to hospital if the doctor says you need chemotherapy -- anything like that'.

I do find it's a big help if you offer something concrete instead of the generic 'anything' which can cause a situation where, when they come back to you, perhaps that's for something you can't actually do, so they're let down just at the time they don't really have the strength to go the next step to get that help elsewhere.

And if you're offering, hand them a piece of paper with your name, address and phone number on it, so they won't have to look for it. Make it easy for them and they'll always remember your kindness when everyone else has been written off their contact list.

And do write down what they can type into their computer to access my posts - they can read them, from someone who has been there, without any obligation to respond. And if it's the middle of the night when they have a need just when they wouldn't want to disturb you, they can come to my blog page - and go back to bed.

If it's you who has, sadly, been diagnosed at this time, I hope you know you can come to me any time for additional non-obligation help. Email me, even phone. Others have helped me during the years of my long journey; the least I can do - and truly want to do - is pass on the gift.
Or of course there are my books 'Cancer - a Journey' and 'After Cancer - the Journey Continues' available swiftly through my website "anotherlife.com.au"

And I've been thinking about the fact that any life is too short to keep the special things for special times. So often we become overwhelmed with what we need to do. Sometimes we also believe we ‘should’ keep our very special things for some special occasion. Did your grandmother stash away her ‘good’ silver, her ‘good’ linen? This poem is a reminder that if we use the special things now, we are enriching our lives now. And we live so much finer lives when we give ourselves permission to feel special on this day, and make it special.

This is most true for someone who may have to face the possibility that this thing - this cancer - could take their life away quite soon.

I've promised myself that before the year is up I am going to take down the very old, very beautiful tea set my great grandmother used to serve afternoon or morning tea on for her best friends. I'll wash it carefully, not to damage any of the hand painted flowers - deep pink, yellow, green, so pretty - and invite a couple of my very best friends to share this treat with me. I'm going to enjoy this so much. And when my daughter inherits this lovely gift she'll know that not only some long gone person she did not know used it, but her own mother's lips drank from this fine bone china cup; took food from the platter, ate from the bread and butter plate. And pass it on to someone in the next generation. I trust they'll be wise enough to use it from time to time too. Just because they want to enrich their lives in the present.

So, before you reach the end of the year all tuckered out, give yourself a break. Stop giving yourself promises only about what you’ll do for yourself in years to come. Live now. As for the future, make ------

NO PROMISES

You’ve always known, haven’t you?

to not keep the good things

those lovely things

those wonderful, quirky things

for a special day.

Today is special

Put them on your wall,

where you can look at them

Place them on your bed,

where you will feel their soft smoothness

Have your dinner on them

Don’t waste their beauty

Or yours

Live your life today

As always, I wish you

Much love

Beryl

Happy end of year Holiday

Pre - Christmas edition

I’ve just realised that many of you will be taking a month off, starting some time during December - and wow! it is December already. So here are some thoughts to take with you.

Yesterday someone asked me, on the phone, what I’d be doing for Christmas day. I told her that, with all my children and grandchildren in other Australian States, Christmas day is pretty much a non-event for me.

She kept asking, what would I do, wouldn’t I do this or that. I told her that I prefer not to think about it too much, because it’s a day for families – and since I can’t have a ‘family Christmas’, it makes me too sad to dwell on it.

She still dwelt on it..... Until I said ‘You’re not listening to me are you?’ She’d been so busy with her version of what I should do, how I should feel, that she’d entirely ignored my plea not to have to think about what I was missing, so I wouldn’t feel too sad.

So my reminder for you is to ---- Just Listen ----- Stop trying to convince others to your way of thinking, or being - and just listen. You’ll be surprised how good a friend you’ll become.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I couldn’t make up my mind which poem to send you to tide you over until I send out another newsletter. One that speaks of Christmas - Hanukka - or whatever religious or secular event you may celebrate at this time. Or one that speaks of Love.

So I’ve sent you both. Take your pick.

See you in the New Year - and don’t forget to give a book to someone who needs it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

LOVE

Don’t break

Don’t kill

Don’t beat down

Love warms to love

a gentle touch heals

and receives back gentleness and love

and forever afters.

CHRISTMAS LOVE

If you don’t love for the rest of the year

but only at Christmas

It’s not love

Just a reflection of the love you see around you

Perhaps an echo of your past.

If you’re not lonely, except at Christmas

It’s not loneliness

Just a remembrance of things already gone

And envy of others you see together.

So if you can see

What is

If you can live

What may be

If you can borrow

from your sorrow

those long forgotten pangs

Pangs of love and longing

and seek the person you once were

Give to someone

who hasn’t even that remembrance

You’ll love

Again

At Christmas.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HAPPY CHRISTMAS

Much love

See you in January

Beryl