Struck down at Christmas?

Someone will be struck down with Cancer at this busy time of year.

Back again!

Yes, really soon after my last post I am back on the job, writing again to tide you over this busy month of December  2010.

I’m still aware that there may be many people who need to be told (by you of course) where they can find me. Especially those people - Do you know one? - who have just been diagnosed with cancer. And they'll find it even harder to cope with at this time when everyone else is going about happily, calling across the room - or the street - Happy Christmas!

And they're thinking 'Not for me it won't be.' How do they tell you? And how do you respond to them? Let me give you a few tips.

First: Don't ask them 'How are you?' They've just been diagnosed with an illness that strikes fear into the heart of the strongest - how would they be?

Do tell them 'I'm so sorry to hear you have cancer. I don't know what to say, or how to help.' In other words, be honest with them instead of pretending you know what it's like for them when you don't. 

Some of you will know what it's like. And that can be a wonderful opportunity to simply say 'I've had cancer too. It's terrible isn't it.'

Whatever your personal situation, ask what they need. If they say 'Nothing' accept that as the truth; but also feel free to suggest something that would be in your power to do e.g. 'If you ever need someone to do some shopping for you --  mow your lawn  --  take your children to school (or mind them while their other parent goes to visit in hospital) -- drive you to hospital if the doctor says you need chemotherapy  -- anything like that'.

I do find it's a big help if you offer something concrete instead of the generic 'anything' which can cause a situation where, when they come back to you, perhaps that's for something you can't actually do, so they're let down just at the time they don't really have the strength to go the next step to get that help elsewhere.

And if you're offering, hand them a piece of paper with your name, address and phone number on it, so they won't have to look for it. Make it easy for them and they'll always remember your kindness when everyone else has been written off their contact list.

And do write down what they can type into their computer to access my posts - they can read them, from someone who has been there, without any obligation to respond. And if it's the middle of the night when they have a need just when they wouldn't want to disturb you, they can come to my blog page - and go back to bed.

If it's you who has, sadly, been diagnosed at this time, I hope you know you can come to me any time for additional non-obligation help. Email me, even phone. Others have helped me during the years of my long journey; the least I can do - and truly want to do - is pass on the gift.
Or of course there are my books 'Cancer - a Journey' and 'After Cancer - the Journey Continues' available swiftly through my website "anotherlife.com.au"

And I've been thinking about the fact that any life is too short to keep the special things for special times. So often we become overwhelmed with what we need to do. Sometimes we also believe we ‘should’ keep our very special things for some special occasion. Did your grandmother stash away her ‘good’ silver, her ‘good’ linen? This poem is a reminder that if we use the special things now, we are enriching our lives now. And we live so much finer lives when we give ourselves permission to feel special on this day, and make it special.

This is most true for someone who may have to face the possibility that this thing - this cancer - could take their life away quite soon.

I've promised myself that before the year is up I am going to take down the very old, very beautiful tea set my great grandmother used to serve afternoon or morning tea on for her best friends. I'll wash it carefully, not to damage any of the hand painted flowers - deep pink, yellow, green, so pretty - and invite a couple of my very best friends to share this treat with me. I'm going to enjoy this so much. And when my daughter inherits this lovely gift she'll know that not only some long gone person she did not know used it, but her own mother's lips drank from this fine bone china cup; took food from the platter, ate from the bread and butter plate. And pass it on to someone in the next generation. I trust they'll be wise enough to use it from time to time too. Just because they want to enrich their lives in the present.

So, before you reach the end of the year all tuckered out, give yourself a break. Stop giving yourself promises only about what you’ll do for yourself in years to come. Live now. As for the future, make ------

NO PROMISES

You’ve always known, haven’t you?

to not keep the good things

those lovely things

those wonderful, quirky things

for a special day.

Today is special

Put them on your wall,

          where you can look at them

Place them on your bed,

          where you will feel their soft smoothness

Have your dinner on them

Don’t waste their beauty

            Or yours

Live your life today

                        © 17^th August 2003

As always, I wish you

Much love

Beryl